The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

Five years after surviving Art the Clown's Halloween massacre, Sienna and Jonathan are still struggling to rebuild their shattered lives. As the...

Elphaba, a young woman misunderstood because of her green skin, and Glinda, a popular aristocrat gilded by privilege, become unlikely friends in the...

A fading celebrity decides to use a black market drug, a cell-replicating substance that temporarily creates a younger, better version of herself.

After receiving an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors, Moana journeys alongside Maui and a new crew to the far seas of Oceania and into...

Operating alone in the field for more than 20 years, a CIA hitman uses the "Help Wanted" section of the newspapers to get his orders from the Agency....

After Santa Claus (codename: Red One) is kidnapped, the North Pole's Head of Security must team up with the world's most infamous bounty hunter in a...

After twelve years of playing his favorite MMORPG game, Momonga logs in for the last time only to find himself transported into its world playing it...

Edmond Dantes becomes the target of a sinister plot and is arrested on his wedding day for a crime he did not commit. After 14 years in the island...

A solitary cat, displaced by a great flood, finds refuge on a boat with various species and must navigate the challenges of adapting to a transformed...

Soulmates Eric and Shelly are brutally murdered when the demons of her dark past catch up with them. Given the chance to save his true love by...

For centuries and across cultures, parents have warned their children of the legendary Bagman, who snatches innocent children and stuffs them into...

Genius artist Cesar Catilina seeks to leap the City of New Rome into a utopian, idealistic future, while his opposition, Mayor Franklyn Cicero,...