The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

Five years after surviving Art the Clown's Halloween massacre, Sienna and Jonathan are still struggling to rebuild their shattered lives. As the...

Have you ever dreamt of a better version of yourself? You, only better in every way. You should try this new product, it's called The Substance. IT...

Edmond Dantes becomes the target of a sinister plot and is arrested on his wedding day for a crime he did not commit. After 14 years in the island...

Top level CIA agent Avery Graves is blackmailed by terrorists into betraying her own country to save her kidnapped husband. Cut off from her team,...

For centuries and across cultures, parents have warned their children of the legendary Bagman, who snatches innocent children and stuffs them into...

In a society devastated by the effects of an all-out war between heroes and villains, a mysterious giant fortress suddenly appears, engulfing towns...

After Santa Claus (codename: Red One) is kidnapped, the North Pole's Head of Security must team up with the world's most infamous bounty hunter in a...

While working a case as an interpreter, a hearing-impaired police detective must confront a group of criminals trying to eliminate a deaf murder...

A solitary cat, displaced by a great flood, finds refuge on a boat with various species and must navigate the challenges of adapting to a transformed...

As an evil takes over the world beyond their front doorstep, the only protection for a mother and her twin sons is their house and their...

Years after witnessing the death of the revered hero Maximus at the hands of his uncle, Lucius is forced to enter the Colosseum after his home is...

After receiving an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors, Moana journeys alongside Maui and a new crew to the far seas of Oceania and into...